PRIDE PARADE

Gay Pride is this Sunday, and while I attend the parade festivities each year, I still have some anxiety prior to making the decision to actually go. The anxiety stems from the fact that I will be surrounded by male bodies I find attractive but yet elusive and intimidating. I am afraid of going to a place of judgment and ultimately feeling depressed. In the past, I’ve acknowledged the bodies and have tried to deny my attraction to them. I have centered on some perceived superficiality on their part, so to lessen the totality of their superiority, and thereby protect my uneven position. As I become better acquainted with my own feelings, these techniques don’t function as well as they used to. At present, I acknowledge my attraction, try to tolerate the feelings of inferiority that creep up, but I try not to ponder on the comparative analysis to the point of driving myself into a depression. Instead, I try to connect with the parts of me that I find positive. This is quite a marked change – it has taken quite a while to instill.