DATING - INTERNET II

Using the Internet to browse through dating sites is an easy enough task. There are many dating/hooking up sites dedicated to connecting men and it isn’t difficult to understand how they operate. The ordeal is not in the operation/maneuvering but rather in the content. Attached to the brief and not so brief profiles of the varied members are the inevitable pictures. Most of the images are of a smiling man trying to look his most handsome, or of a man doing his best not to appear as if he has spent several long minutes trying to find just the right position that would seem natural. I have done the Internet dating thing for a long time and have gone through my own posing and re-posing (much to my cousin’s annoyance – she is the one I usually get to take the pictures). I can certainly relate to these images and understand the need to give several portrait shots.

The pictures that give me the most trouble are of the perspective connection/date in his undershorts, or shirtless, or on a beach with small bathing trunks, or of him flexing his biceps and triceps in a bathroom mirror, or of him lying on a bed – bare-chested. Most of the men that pose in these positions have an athletic, toned and muscular build. They look good in the pictures and they know it. That is why they are advertising it in such a public forum. It’s not the partial nudity of the content that bothers me, but rather it is in what the content is saying about gay men and our community. So much value is being placed on how good the person looks that often profiles are note even read. The pictures are doing most of the communicating and they are loudly stating how important looks are to the gay male community.
Yes, we do live in a very visually oriented world and when encountering someone for the first time, especially in “dating” circumstances, looks are important. They are often the cornerstones for initial attraction. But, does the image have to be one of a half naked man to get someone’s attention? I often feel that gay men are objectifying their bodies in similar ways to women. The male body has slowly evolved to being a commodity. It is transformed into an advertising vessel devoid of sentiment, psychology and intelligence.

The emphasis on body attractiveness is also shouted within the site profiles. Members quite often write their height, weight, age, the muscularity of their chests and biceps and (depending on the type of site) their penis size. They will also specify the physical specification they are looking for in a male partner. In reading many of the profiles, I feel as if a lot of the men are living in a fantasy world of expectations. Many seek very attractive, muscular, toned, athletic, well-endowed (7 and more inches) men who are 5 to ten years younger then they are.

I try to avoid reading such profiles and also try to visit Internet sites that seem to be more seriously focused on creating long-term relationships. Yet, even those sites have their fair share of fitness and body focused profiles. They certainly don’t help my body image issues. Reading them often depresses me and makes me feel as if I were the “other”. Once again, I am kneading myself to fit into a specifically set identity and physical form. As time marches on, and I also face the inevitability of growing older, I am also trying to separate from sites that promote competitions based on attractiveness and sexuality.

Can anyone relate?

Stay well, MBI