MEDICATION II

I haven’t written in these past few days. I have been really busy with work and have also been battling my depression. It is difficult to remain in a good mood when depressive thoughts make each task and endeavor more somber and less fluid. Luckily, I feel a bit better today and want to continue to write about medication. It is a subject that has been on my mind of late since I have been experiencing more depressive thoughts.

As I previously explained, the Zoloft did help with the anxiety that often accompanied each task that I would set out to accomplish. It took the edge off certain fears and I functioned a bit better. However, as I also mentioned, my fear of gaining weight because of the increased craving for sugars, slowly progressed into an obsession. I start to devise certain exercise regiments that would ensure that my weight would remain the same or decrease despite the enormous intake of sugar. I am aware that my definition of “enormous” may be quite different from what would normally be expected when using such a word. However, what is important to note is that I was eating a lot more sweets while on the Zoloft than I had since days during childhood and adolescence when I would be considered obese. The modifications made to my exercise routine did the trick because I started losing weight and was able to relax a bit about the sugar issue. Unfortunately, during the time I was taking the Zoloft, I also noticed that my hair was drastically starting to thin. I was on the medication during my early to mid twenties, and that is the time that genetic factors will often awaken and play a major role in hairloss. While I accepted the part played by genetics, I also observed some culpability in the Zoloft. I knew that some SSRIs were linked to hairloss and I convinced myself that Zoloft had done its part to expedite what genetics would have done in a slower speed. The hairloss was the impetus that made me determined to have my medication changed. Mind you, I saw no problem with the obsessive compulsion to exercise.

My next and last medication was Effexor. This was by far the worst for me. I know several people taking Effexor and they have had good experiences using it. I did not. I was only on Effexor for 8 months, and so I can’t address if it stopped the medication-induced hairloss (my hairloss continued – most probably due to genetics). However, I can state that it stopped my craving for sugars and it quelled my obsession with exercise. UNFORTUNATELY – it also made me put on a great deal of weight. In the 8 months that I was on it, I gained close to 20 pounds. At first, I did not notice it. Effexor, more than Zoloft numbed my mind from focusing on the body and food issues. My clothes felt tighter, but I was not developing a large stomach (as when I was obese). I did notice that I was getting bigger, but it was all over. I distinctly recall when one of my cousins told me that I started to look like a “refrigerator.” No – I wasn’t growing two doors and a thermostat, but my frame was getting bigger and square-like. I remember looking in the gym’s mirror and trying to really take in the reflection staring back at me. I was appalled at the change. Needless to say, from that moment forward my eyes could only do one thing – focus on my body from head to foot. Despite the medication, I was shocked into bitter reality and faced the truth of what the medication was doing to my body.

More to come.

Can anyone relate? I would love to know.

Stay well, MBI