SOME THOUGHTS

I have been pretty busy these days. Sorry to not have written sooner.

I am continuing to eat a bit haphazardly. I am buying a few cakes a week, eating the parts I like and throwing out the rest. This may sound normal, but the act of eating the cake is totally embedded within abnormal behavior. The cake seems to be my only outlet for some sense of comfort. It gives me that feeling of cohesion and order, even though the very act of cutting up the uneaten parts reminds me of the internal chaos that sometimes surrounds me.

I am feeling down about my hair these days. I feel that my looks have diminished because of it and I also feel angry and remorseful for it no longer being a part of me. I had to attend a student meeting this week, and I noticed how self-conscious I was of my looks because my cranium is so bare. I am trying to move beyond this way of thinking by interjecting some positive aspects of myself – but it doesn’t work as quickly as I would hope. I will continue to analyze if this positive thinking can in fact take the place of the negative thought processes. I so want to move away from this line self-abuse.

Stay well, MBI