HAIR, AFFIRMATIONS, GYM, and DATING

I am still quite pensive about my hair and the over all look of my face. My hair concerns have always been present (you should know that by now – see prior entries), but it is the impending visit from my relatives that is making me more self-conscious. I do not want them to severely criticize my looks because of my hair loss. I am afraid that they will verbalize all that I am feeling (ugly, pathetic etc.). Their confirmation will be so painful to me. I am trying to use positive affirmations to counter-act all this angst but it is so difficult. The negative thoughts on appearance are integrated with a habitually set mode of negative operation. My affirmations need to work over-time to really make a difference. Yet, I will try.

My gym activity continues to be consistent. I am afraid with the coming winter that I will not want to go as often since it will be very cold and dark most mornings when I scheduled to attend. I will have to try and take care of myself by not going on those days but I know the guilt will be great.

I am working hard in cardio and in weightlifting. I have lessened the cardio a bit so that I can focus more energy on the weights. I feel that my body is improving, though it still is quite difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror. I have gone back to changing clothes in the locker room, but I am in a state of panic each time a guy passes by. I feel that every eye is on each ugly part, being judgmental and assessing superiority to me.

No dates on the horizon, and not that much of a care. That is the most troublesome part. I wish that I could care as much as I did in the past. There is a strong feeling of indifference.
Have a good Halloween. MBI