FINALLY

I have not written in such a long time. I’ve been busy with classes and work. There is much to say but I am afraid that time is going to cut this communication short. I have been doing okay with the food stuff except that there are times when I forget to eat because of my crazy schedule. I have committed to eating more but that of course brings up feelings of guilt and worry about my weight. While the gym continues to play a part in my life, I do notice how conscious I have become of my food intake. I believe this is directly related to my schedule again. As there is a loss of control due to assignments and deadlines, I try to gain some bearing by controlling the eating. I am eating enough to go through the day, but sometimes it pains me to realize how little I do eat. There are days when lunch consists of a tiny salad and a piece of raisin bread. That is so very little for a grown man to eat. Granted I do have fruit an hour later, but still quite little. I grow angrier at this restriction or rather this habit of eating little. When I corporate a fair amount of snacks, I worry about weight, but regardless of the worry, I still eat it. Energy maintenance is essential to my getting through the day and weeks ahead. Therefore, even though worries of body image and weight still persist, I insist on progressing in a healthier way.

Every Friday I buy a couple of Entenmann’s cakes (more specifically – Cheese Buns). They are delicious and I love them. However, there is a ritual associated with this too. I do not eat the entire cake, in fact I only eat the cheese center of each bun. Great delight is taken in cutting the circular center out of each bun, removing all of the sugary glazing and then eating the sweet cheese. Again, I believe this action assists me in maintaining control and also in enjoying a contained amount of sweets. It does not provide the pleasure that cakes gave in the past, but there is enough reminiscence to gain some comfort.

Still nothing on the dating realm. I am at a loss and feel it strongly. I cant help but wonder if I will ever be with someone again? Time will tell.