UPDATES

Terribly busy with school and work and finding very little time to engage I other activities. I have to remain really focused on eating well and exercising moderately. If I restrict or exercise too much (or a conjunction of the two) then I may weaken my ability to do all that I have to act on.

I am eating well enough – vegetables, fish, dairy, some meats – but I do know that it isn’t anywhere near enough for all the activity that I engage in. I am always scampering to calculate the calories or the grams of fat, and that practice inhibits what I am able to comfortably eat. Of course, there are times when I am so disgusted with the processing and calculations that I just eat. But, that also leads to some forceful acts – where I just endeavor to fill my stomach – still with good food, but the act is done with violence rather than love – or with a real sense of nourishing the body.

Exercise is my staple – it really helps me deal with the anxiety and stress. I dislike going so early in the morning – because of the lack of daylight and cold, but I feel much better after a workout.

Dating is still a foreign thing to me. I have very little desire to put myself out there. I was going to meet someone this weekend, but made an excuse and cancelled. I am able to meet up with friends but I don’t want to invest time and energy into someone that really holds little interest.

My birthday was spent with family and friends – it went well even though there are so many feelings that are present about aging – body, love, professional pursuits etc.

Hope to write again soon.

MBI