Since I am very busy with my professional stuff, I am being ever so vigilant about my eating and exercise regiment. I have to be careful not to overdo the exercise, and I must take steps to continue eating enough. It amazes me how quickly I have the power to turn toward old habits of restriction and over exercising in order to gain control. I know well enough that such behaviors foster a false sense of control.
The gym is full of the New Year’s resolution folks. It is great to see so many people but it also annoys me because I have to endure the crowds. I am finding it difficult to get up in the morning to go to the gym because of the low temperatures and the darkness. My motivations for a toned and muscular body can only count so much these days. I do give myself a break but I also find that going helps me fight of seasonal affective depression. The endorphins give me a greater sense of hope and ability to cope during the winter months.
I continue to take off my pants in the locker room. I am always a bit anxious right before they come down – a slightly lower anxiety than the one I feel right before I take off my shirt (and stay bare chested). I have even delayed putting any clothes on so that I may test out my feelings and the state of my body in its semi-nakedness. There are feelings of excitement, eroticism, happiness, and pride when I am disrobed. I will have to monitor how these feelings progress.
It was my birthday this past weekend, and I have been inundated with thoughts, but I shall keep them for another entry.
Stay well, MBI
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