A NEW YEAR

Happy New Year!!! I was at the gym this very cold morning, and I wondered what in God’s name I was doing there? First, it was New Year day and there were very few people out or at the gym; second, it was freezing outside which made it quite an unpleasant 15 minute walk, and three, I have been battling a head and chest cold for the past couple of weeks. Yet, there I was in the middle of an empty fitness room trying to lift weights. I am working so hard for me, or a phantom boyfriend, or a critical social sphere? I don’t exactly know – but I can bet it is some combination of all three. I have been trying to examine what is driving me to go to the gym 6 to 7 days a week. I realize that given my heavy schedule with work and school that I am pushing it a bit, but I find it so very difficult to stop. I can see some results from my consistent work and I am so frightened to have it stop. I find it difficult to even write that I am going so often to the gym. There is a small part that believes admittance will cause the action to stop.

I took a bold step today in the locker room. I actually removed my pants and changed into a pair of jeans. Granted, this move was greatly motivated by the cold, but I did it nonetheless. It was okay – and I even took a moment to look at myself in the mirror to analyze what other may see. I did not mind the way my thighs, pelvis, and legs looked. I also took off my shirt – but that is something that I have been doing for quite a while – albeit with considerable anxiety. There was one guy present as I was taking my pants off, but I took a breath and did it anyway. It felt really good. I was empowered by the act and hope that I may continue to take such steps.

Holiday food madness is coming to an end – thankfully. I am so tired of having to sit around a dinner table for so many hours. Italians use holidays as an outlet to feast on foods (as many other cultures do) and I find it quite nice but very taxing as well.

Another year has past but the last has seen considerable progress. I am happy with the steps I have taken in some facets of my life, but the social part still needs further cultivation. I can only hope that continued strides are made.

I will write again soon (and sooner than other times).

Stay well, MBI