Hair hair and more hair - I am thinking so much about it. I notice how self conscious I am about my facial appearance because of my hair issue. Of course this has been a theme but there are many peaks and troughs. I am currently in a trough moment. The hair issue becomes magnified with my meeting new people and those that I have not seen for long periods of time. I am so tired of being so self aware about my appearance. I feel unattractive and old. These feelings will get better but how long will the good feeling last? I may never feel totally comfortable.

I went to chelsea piers to take in some sun and nice scenery. Of course there were a ton of gay men without shirts on. They intimidate me so much and send me into a whirlwind of self doubt at my own attractiveness. I yearn to have more muscles and a better body. Yet - I know deep down that the answers dont lie there.